I have to eat pretty continuously or my mood is severely affected. Five months of extensive experimentation seems to bear out the conclusion that most of my emotional distress stems from hunger. This is demonstrated by finding immediate relief from feelings of doom every time I eat. Or, at least, every time I eat the right foods in the proper quantity. I wake up having a hypoglycemic reaction, which subsides as soon as I eat breakfast. If I miss a snack, it’s only a matter of minutes before catastrophe takes hold in my soul. On the other hand, when I follow my schedule and eat all day, I am happy and bubbly and fun.

Articles on hypoglycemia and starvation (e.g. the Minnesota Starvation Experiment) list symptoms of hunger that align exactly with my own feelings of doom. Some of these include forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, inner trembling, heart palpitations, weakness, lightheadedness, fatigue, headaches, nervousness, mood swings, anxiety, depression, crying spells, irrationality, insomnia, social withdrawal and isolation, and sensitivity to noise and light.

Having food poisoning for almost a week in early August helped me see clearly just how much of my anxiety is related to being hungry (answer: pretty much all of it). Every time I was able to eat, I felt fantastic, even if I got sick afterward. When I wasn’t able to eat for a day or two, I just cried and cried.

The girl says I can’t reach self-actualization because I keep falling off the pyramid (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs) by getting hungry. I think it’s fun that Maslow came up as part our dinner table humor.

Evolution betrayed me, I say. People get hungry multiple times per day! If everyone got suicidally depressed every time they missed snack time, humans would no longer exist on this planet.

Fortunately for me, evolution recognizes adaptation as a valid survival strategy.

And so I eat.

The image shows a plate of lamb curry and rice that I ate at Burma Superstar in San Francisco. Yum!

Eating out was something of a nightmare, partly because people are unbelievably ignorant about what goes into the foods they cook or serve and partly because I’m still shy about asking.

Going to Burma Superstar was fantastic, of course. I love Burmese cuisine, and I got a fantastic lamb curry and shared the tea leaf salad with my companion. By a happy accident, we arrived before they opened and were the first to be seated as the line extended down the block.

For the most part, though, I’m still waiting for my body to recover. It’s a relief to be home where most of the food I eat is locally grown or raised and prepared in our own kitchen.

There’s a pool party roaring outside. We wandered down a bit ago. There was venison teriyaki, which I can’t have, salad that was already dressed, and ice cream cones.

Luckily for me, I live on Maui, so the homemade pineapple coconut ice cream was dairy-free and completely delicious. No cone for me, but that’s no problem.

Yummmm.

This method is the reverse of conventional wisdom: we are taught not to eat when we’re upset. I’ve always been the type to lose my appetite when I’m stressed and, when I’m really stressed, to stop eating altogether. Being gluten- and lactose-intolerant (without realizing it) didn’t help matters: getting sick and losing energy after most meals meant not wanting to eat during the day. I thought eating itself was what made me feel awful, but I learned during my elimination diet that I can eat lots of things and feel fantastic…….just not wheat and dairy.

Several years ago, an ex-girlfriend would feed me when I started getting grumpy, and it helped, but I never realized how much my moods are connected to (not) eating until the last few months. Science doesn’t lie and the girl and boy have done extensive experiments with me to see what works and what doesn’t work with my body. The conclusion? I can keep a pretty even keel if I eat 5-7 times per day (approx. every two hours, beginning within an hour of waking). Missed meals lead to disaster: I get a headache, feel weak and exhausted, anxiety sets in, and pretty soon I am cranky and overwhelmed.

Even if I’d known how much of my anxiety was connected to hunger, I couldn’t have made these changes alone. Figuring out what to eat, acquiring and preparing food, avoiding foods that aren’t safe for me, and doing it all on schedule and on a budget is an immensely daunting task. Fortunately, I have tons of help every day.

My eating times are in the calendar, which pops up with an alarm on my phone to remind me. The girl does the meal planning and cooking every week, which is a huge gift for all of us. I get positive feedback when I follow my schedule.

In the beginning, it was hard. I would skip breakfast and snacks, especially on days off when my caloric requirements are less urgent. Then I’d get overwhelmed and have trouble putting food in my mouth because my pattern is that stress means not eating. It’s getting easier, though. I eat breakfast most days and am getting better at obeying my alarms. I try not to think about how much I’m eating or the fact that most of my life revolves around putting food in my mouth.

This morning was special because I never have Sundays off and the boy and I were going to sleep in. Unfortunately, I woke up at 4 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep because of anxiety. Around 6 a.m., I remembered that I’m supposed to eat when I feel stressed, so I went to the kitchen, ate a bowl of cereal, and fell asleep as soon as I crawled back into the boy’s arms.

I think it will keep getting easier. I just have to stick with it and learn to trust that it really does work. Practice, practice.

I just ate some date bars that I made myself!

8 oz each of dates, papaya, pineapple, and walnuts chopped separately in a food processor & then hand-mixed into a ball, flattened, and cut.

They are super sweet. Next time I might use different fruits and more nuts, but yum!

Since I have to eat every two hours every day, finding easy things to snack on is always a concern.

These were about $1/bar.

Image Description: A plate of individually wrapped date bars on the counter

My new home is lovely. I am so happy here and I’m finding that I really enjoy living with people. I have a satisfying routine with plenty of structure, lots of loving and cuddles, good friends and a full social calendar.

Still working 45 hours/week on the farm, but I’ll be cutting down to 20 hours when school starts in September. I’m taking three core courses for my program on leadership and public policy. I’m so stoked about school.

My garden is gorgeous. I busted apart some container pallets to build a 3×6′ raised bed, installed a drip irrigation system on a timer, and planted my seeds and seedlings. The dwarf kale and chard are growing up so well and the lettuce exploded. Purple carrots and cabbage will take longer, but it’s so gratifying to watch.

Slowly making my way through Terry Pratchett’s, “The Wee Free Men,” with the girl and boy. I love the characters and the way Pratchett is so sharp about and accepting of human foibles. Reading aloud is a nice way to spend time together. I think Neil Gaiman’s, “The Graveyard Book,” should be next on our list.

I’m having a little more energy lately, so I’m hoping to post more often. I have my rss feeds on my iPhone and have been happily reading away every day, which is an enjoyable part of my life to have back since I’ve been spending so much less time on the computer.

Definitely enjoying my organized and efficient life. Yum.

The three biggest things are:
* I moved off the farm and in with the couple I have been dating since last July
* I applied to UMass Amherst’s University Without Walls continuing education program
* I get to start a vegetable garden!

I had delicious food last night and do every night.

My life is nourishing and peaceful.

These zucchini fritters are based on a recipe I learned from the cookbook author Diane Kochilas. A classic mezze served in Greek taverna, they’re like a Greek version of latkes.

2 pounds large zucchini, trimmed and grated on the wide holes of a grater or food processor
Salt
2 eggs
1/2 cup chopped mixed fresh herbs, such as fennel, dill, mint, parsley (I like to use mostly dill)
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 cup fresh or dry breadcrumbs, more as necessary
Freshly ground pepper
1 cup crumbled feta
All-purpose flour as needed and for dredging
Olive oil for frying

1. Salt the zucchini generously and leave to drain in a colander for one hour, tossing and squeezing the zucchini from time to time. Take up handfuls of zucchini, and squeeze out all of the moisture. Alternately, wrap in a clean dish towel, and squeeze out the water by twisting at both ends.

2. In a large bowl, beat the eggs and add the shredded zucchini, herbs, cumin, bread crumbs, salt and pepper to taste and feta. Mix together well. Take up a small handful of the mixture; if it presses neatly into a patty, it is the right consistency. If it seems wet, add more breadcrumbs or a few tablespoons of all-purpose flour. When the mixture has the right consistency, cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for one hour or longer.

3. Heat 1 inch of olive oil in a large frying pan until rippling, or at about 275 degrees. Meanwhile, take up heaped tablespoons of the zucchini mixture, and form balls or patties. Lightly dredge in flour.

4. When the oil is very hot, add the patties in batches to the pan. Fry until golden brown, turning once with a spider or slotted spoon. Remove from the oil, and drain briefly on a rack. Serve with plain Greek style yogurt if desired.

Yield: Serves six to eight.

Advance preparation: The mixture can be assembled up to a day before you make and fry the fritters.

* I figured out how to go back to school without leaving Maui!

* My heart felt a little less heavy after scrubbing the floor for an hour.