Jul 25, 2010
Functional Eating
Slowly, day by day, I am training myself to mediate my anxiety with food.
This method is the reverse of conventional wisdom: we are taught not to eat when we’re upset. I’ve always been the type to lose my appetite when I’m stressed and, when I’m really stressed, to stop eating altogether. Being gluten- and lactose-intolerant (without realizing it) didn’t help matters: getting sick and losing energy after most meals meant not wanting to eat during the day. I thought eating itself was what made me feel awful, but I learned during my elimination diet that I can eat lots of things and feel fantastic…….just not wheat and dairy.
Several years ago, an ex-girlfriend would feed me when I started getting grumpy, and it helped, but I never realized how much my moods are connected to (not) eating until the last few months. Science doesn’t lie and the girl and boy have done extensive experiments with me to see what works and what doesn’t work with my body. The conclusion? I can keep a pretty even keel if I eat 5-7 times per day (approx. every two hours, beginning within an hour of waking). Missed meals lead to disaster: I get a headache, feel weak and exhausted, anxiety sets in, and pretty soon I am cranky and overwhelmed.
Even if I’d known how much of my anxiety was connected to hunger, I couldn’t have made these changes alone. Figuring out what to eat, acquiring and preparing food, avoiding foods that aren’t safe for me, and doing it all on schedule and on a budget is an immensely daunting task. Fortunately, I have tons of help every day.
My eating times are in the calendar, which pops up with an alarm on my phone to remind me. The girl does the meal planning and cooking every week, which is a huge gift for all of us. I get positive feedback when I follow my schedule.
In the beginning, it was hard. I would skip breakfast and snacks, especially on days off when my caloric requirements are less urgent. Then I’d get overwhelmed and have trouble putting food in my mouth because my pattern is that stress means not eating. It’s getting easier, though. I eat breakfast most days and am getting better at obeying my alarms. I try not to think about how much I’m eating or the fact that most of my life revolves around putting food in my mouth.
This morning was special because I never have Sundays off and the boy and I were going to sleep in. Unfortunately, I woke up at 4 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep because of anxiety. Around 6 a.m., I remembered that I’m supposed to eat when I feel stressed, so I went to the kitchen, ate a bowl of cereal, and fell asleep as soon as I crawled back into the boy’s arms.
I think it will keep getting easier. I just have to stick with it and learn to trust that it really does work. Practice, practice.